Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
