Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
