$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
