I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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