If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
