i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
