I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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