just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
