drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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