Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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