Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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