She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
