In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
