Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
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