I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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