Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
