I wish I could punch you in the face.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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