alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
