I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
