I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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