M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
