If that was your dad, he is hot
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize