people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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