I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
