dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
