Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
