Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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