wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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