I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
At least life still wants to fuck me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
