dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
