I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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