oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
