You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize