What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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