Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
