Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
