My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
