i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
