with your own penis?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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