Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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