well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
