driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
