I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize