And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude i'm inner monologue high
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So much rum. So many feels.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
