Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
