I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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