My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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