I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
