I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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