my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize