Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
