Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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