my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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