no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
