I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
