Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
