dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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