If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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