Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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