Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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