He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
