He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
