no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize