i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
