she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
