Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize