I should be sponsored by Trojan
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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