Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
