my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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