the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
