"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
