Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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