I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
