I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
