Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
