dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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