The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
