I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
