I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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