party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
