Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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