Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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