No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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